Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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