Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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