i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Umm I'm too high to move.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
