talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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