I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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