They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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