I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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