Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
