I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
