You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
