Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
