No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
