Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
