Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
