No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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