It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
