I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
