Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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