this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
