Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
