we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
