I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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