hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
