I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
