Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
