i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
