This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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