Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
