Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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