Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
