I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
