she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
