my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Duck Duck Cougar?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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