drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
