apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
