can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
