you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
