So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
