Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
