hell yes lets make some ravioli
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
