i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
