Someone shit on the floor
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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