dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
