Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Let's paint friendship bongs
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
