so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
