If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
