My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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