if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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