everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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