u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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