I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
