I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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